You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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