dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
