Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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