If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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