dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
