What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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