i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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