Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
