Don't you send me to vm
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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