all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
