he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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