I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
