she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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