Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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