Banned from zoo.
Again?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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