Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
