Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Your dad touched me again.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
