How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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