i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
