Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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