well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
