Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
