Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
