It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
