Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
