first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
