I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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