i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
