I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
