well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
