Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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