Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
