Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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