im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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