Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
