My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
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Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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