I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
