I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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