when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
