eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
