he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
