I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
