I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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