The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
