mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize