the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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