don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
