Plan B is the new Plan A
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
