come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
