I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?