Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life