I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
