hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.