I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
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My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.