dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
