he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just sucked dick on a ferry