That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
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I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??