i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
