My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
