I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
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remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
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I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.