im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Randomize
