the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
