Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't deserve a penis
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
