God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it's like heaven, but drunker
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
