I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
