Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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