its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
