If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
