is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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