Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
