billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
