listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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