Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
