So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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