You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
