Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
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He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
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Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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