There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
