We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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