I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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