He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
