someone get that fucking seahorse.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
