I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
