so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sorry my hands just texted you
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
