in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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