Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
