Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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