I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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