If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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