planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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