pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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