is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
