I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
