im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
