I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
